It can't be...

Alexis on her 10th birthday at her first Yankees game. God, I love that smile!

A couple months have passed now. A couple of  really rough months. I lost sight in writing. Mainly because my life became so chaotic that I don't have much time to sit down and write, but also because Alexis has been doing really well.

After the Alexis got the PICC line taken out she was making improvements every single day. Things were looking up. It got to a point where she was feeling good. The stomach pains finally went away. The headaches became rare. And the joint pain would only come a couple times a week. Even the blinking has gotten so much better. It would happen on randoms days for only a short period of time. Things really started looking better for my girl and all I could do was pray that her health continued down that path.

That doesn't seem to be the case.

For those of you who have followed Alexis' story from the beginning know that it was only a little over a month after finishing her first dose of medication when her symptoms started coming back. Well, here we are - two months after Lex finished her dose of the rocephin and the PICC line was taken out - and the symptoms are coming back. My heart is broken for my little girl. This is not supposed to be happening.

It started back up with the headaches. Alexis started getting them regularly again. Two weeks ago Alexis got a headache that brought her to tears. She laid down on the couch and couldn't move. I made the room as dark as I possibly could and gave her a cold wash cloth to put on her forehead. I gave her medicine and had here drink a bottle of water but I knew at that point, they weren't going to help. She ended up falling asleep on the couch so I just left her there for the rest of the night.

A couple days later Alexis woke up screaming for me. I ran into her room and once again it was her head. She woke up in so much pain. I knew there was nothing I could even do. I laid there with her holding her and trying to calm her down because I knew screaming and crying wasn't going to make it any better. I wanted to scream myself when I saw her in this much pain. It brought me back a couple months ago to the memories of her screaming in pain knowing there was nothing at all that I could do.

Alexis' limbs have been falling asleep on her more often again also. At cheerleading the other day her arm fell asleep. She was using this arm, moving it around, when it fell asleep. That doesn't make sense to me. Her legs are falling asleep on her at random times again too. Also within the past few weeks Alexis has had stomach pains and she has been very tired. There are days when she doesn't want to do anything but sleep. Again - giving me flashbacks.

All I can do is pray that this doesn't turn into something more than it already is. In a few weeks it will be a year since Alexis was diagnosed. This has been the worst year of our life - by far. I hate sitting here wondering what is going to happen next, and if this is really coming back. It can't. Alexis can't go through another year like this past one. I found myself taking for granted her "good" days. Now I am back to cherishing them.

So - please keep Alexis in your prayers again. This can't happen again.