I am so happy to write that Alexis had a good day today. She felt good this morning, made it through the school day and got to practice during softball tonight. Lex told me she had to sit out for a few minutes at practice but that it didn't last long at all. Tonight we went to my mom's house for dinner then to my little sister's basketball game. Lex felt good through it all though.
Alexis has had a book report to do. Since she had such a hard time with the last book report, my mom read the book with her this time. They stopped after each chapter to summarize what they just read. This week Alexis started working on the project. It was much easier for her this time. I was so glad. She didn't spend hours with that blank stare on her face - looking and feeling lost. She was able to get motivated and work right through it. The project is due tomorrow so Lex had a couple things to finish up tonight. It was basically just coloring in a few pictures she had already drawn. For some reason this ended up being so stressful for her. The pictures were already drawn, the whole project was basically done - this was the easy part. She gets herself so worked up over the silliest things. I always end up having to tell her to take a break, but then she throws a fit about that, saying if she takes a break she won't get it done.
I know Alexis is at the age where she is going to start getting hormonal and moody, but dealing with that on top of the "lyme rage" is too much for her to handle. When I first started talking to people who have had lyme disease this was one of the things they warned me to watch out for. Anything can cause the rage - usually the littlest thing sets it off. So for Alexis to get soo worked up tonight the way she did over coloring a picture the first thing that came to mind was the lyme rage.
I have talked to Alexis about this. I try to explain to her how such little things aren't worth getting so angry about. When it happens I try to just be there for her and comfort her. I know getting upset won't do her any good. I usually try to "kill her with kindness" to bring her to a better place. Luckily, I have figured out how to get her out of it pretty quickly.
Lex has a softball tournament this weekend - which means she is going to have 3 games on Saturday alone. I'm going to bring her to the chiropractor tomorrow after school. That always helps with her joint pain and I believe it's even helped with Lex's headaches too. That should help her get through this weekend. I know how much she hates having to sit out during a game so anything we can do to prevent it is worth it!
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Her Strength
Yesterday was an okay day for Alexis. She made it through the school day but wasn't feeling 100% when I picked her up. An hour after school she has softball practice. By the time we had to leave for practice she was only feeling worse. Her stomach was killing her. I had her try a couple different things to see if it would help but it didn't. She tried going to the bathroom but she couldn't. Although she was feeling really uncomfortable, she still wanted to go to practice. When we got there she just sat on the bench for a while. The doctor's told us it's best for her to move around when she gets these pains but they hurt so much that she doesn't want to.
Alexis kept telling me all she wanted to do was practice and that she was sick of sitting on the bench, but every time she would stand up to grab her glove she could barely move. Luckily, she got some playing time in during the last 20 minutes of practice. By the time practice was over she was feeling okay again. It always happens at the worst times but at least she was able to still make it to practice.
After softball we went home so Alexis could hop in a quick shower. Then we headed off to our town's board of education meeting. Alexis was to receive and award for a poem she wrote. This poem got published in a book! I bet you can't guess what her poem was about . . . softball! It was called "A Homerun Hit". I couldn't be more proud of her. My mom and Grandma were also there to see Alexis get her award and a copy of the book she is published in. After the awards were over, my Grandma treated us all to ice cream at Friendly's. We had a wonderful night.
This morning Alexis was woken up by those awful pains again. At first they were only in her stomach. She was able to go to the bathroom and rest for an hour before she had to get ready for school. Alexis was excited to go to school today because it was the 4th grade awards ceremony and the 4th grade picnic. The kids look forward to both all year. While Alexis got ready for school she was feeling better. I was so relieved. I didn't want anything to ruin this special day for her. When it was time, we headed out the door.
When we pulled into the school's parking lot we realized we forgot the fruit salad Alexis was supposed to bring in for the picnic. It was still sitting at home in the refrigerator. I decided to run back home and grab it since we live so close. I went inside to get the fruit salad and when I came back out to the car Alexis was in tears. She was saying her chest hurt and she couldn't breathe. I told her we could sit in the car and wait a few minutes because it would probably go away. The pains went from her chest to her back and eventually her stomach was hurting again. I started to realize it was only getting worse, not better. So we decided to go back inside. I carried my younger daughters in then ran back out to help Alexis in. She couldn't stand straight and could barely walk. The entire time we walked inside she was screaming and crying. I got her onto the couch and she crawled up into a ball.
Once again I kept reminding Alexis that we knew what was causing it and that the doctor's say the best thing for her to do is move around and get the gas bubbles and everything moving. She wouldn't even try. After a little while I got her to walk from the living room into my bedroom. She wouldn't go any further though. She laid in my bed and just cried. Every few minutes the pain would get really bad and she would scream and wiggle around saying she couldn't do it anymore. I felt so helpless. Nothing I did made her feel any more comfortable.
Alexis kept saying this time was worse than any other time. I reminded her that she feels that way every time it happens - and every time she gets through it. She looked at me, with tears running down her face, and said "Mommy, why is this happening to me?!?!?!" I dread hearing that question. It breaks my heart. My eyes started filling up so I held her in my arms so she couldn't see my face, and I reminded her it was because God knows how strong she is. She kept saying she wasn't strong - so I reminded her of a couple things she experienced these past couple months. She still didn't want to hear it though. My little girl has no idea how strong she really is. Her strength inspires me.
I was praying these pains would lighten up so she didn't miss school. I knew how excited she was for the awards ceremony and for the picnic. After about an hour of dealing with excruciating pain, she was finally starting to feel better. At this point I told Alexis to just relax and that I would take her to school when the awards ceremony started since I wanted to go to the school for it anyways. I thank God that Alexis was able to be there for it. She got quite a few awards - more than she was expecting. I am so proud of her. She is such a wonderful little girl - and I'm really not just saying that because she's my kid! ;-)
After the awards ceremony Alexis was still feeling okay so I headed home only to come back to the school and hour later for the 4th grade picnic. This is a special event for only 4th graders and their parents. Scottie stayed home with Kaelynn and Makenzie so I could be alone with Alexis. It was a nice break from our babies and it was really nice getting to do something alone with Alexis. Most of the time she ran around and played with her friends. Occasionally her belly would start to hurt so she would just come sit by me for a few minutes until she felt better. Overall, Alexis had a blast. I'm so glad she got to enjoy her special day.
Tonight Alexis' ankles and legs were hurting her a bit. I put some icy-hot on them and massaged them for her. I'm pretty sure it was from running around for so long today. Her legs can't handle all of that yet. Her ankles did look swollen too. I gave her some aleve which seemed to help. She worked on a school project for a little while and headed off to bed. I'm hoping her legs and ankles are better by tomorrow. Alexis has a softball tournament this weekend - which means she has three games on Saturday (and there will be games on Sunday too). I'm going to have her rest up the next couple days so she doesn't have to miss any of the games - I know how much that kills her.
All in all, it was a long day. I'm glad my girl is peacefully asleep.
I'm praying tomorrow is a better day.
Alexis kept telling me all she wanted to do was practice and that she was sick of sitting on the bench, but every time she would stand up to grab her glove she could barely move. Luckily, she got some playing time in during the last 20 minutes of practice. By the time practice was over she was feeling okay again. It always happens at the worst times but at least she was able to still make it to practice.
After softball we went home so Alexis could hop in a quick shower. Then we headed off to our town's board of education meeting. Alexis was to receive and award for a poem she wrote. This poem got published in a book! I bet you can't guess what her poem was about . . . softball! It was called "A Homerun Hit". I couldn't be more proud of her. My mom and Grandma were also there to see Alexis get her award and a copy of the book she is published in. After the awards were over, my Grandma treated us all to ice cream at Friendly's. We had a wonderful night.
This morning Alexis was woken up by those awful pains again. At first they were only in her stomach. She was able to go to the bathroom and rest for an hour before she had to get ready for school. Alexis was excited to go to school today because it was the 4th grade awards ceremony and the 4th grade picnic. The kids look forward to both all year. While Alexis got ready for school she was feeling better. I was so relieved. I didn't want anything to ruin this special day for her. When it was time, we headed out the door.
When we pulled into the school's parking lot we realized we forgot the fruit salad Alexis was supposed to bring in for the picnic. It was still sitting at home in the refrigerator. I decided to run back home and grab it since we live so close. I went inside to get the fruit salad and when I came back out to the car Alexis was in tears. She was saying her chest hurt and she couldn't breathe. I told her we could sit in the car and wait a few minutes because it would probably go away. The pains went from her chest to her back and eventually her stomach was hurting again. I started to realize it was only getting worse, not better. So we decided to go back inside. I carried my younger daughters in then ran back out to help Alexis in. She couldn't stand straight and could barely walk. The entire time we walked inside she was screaming and crying. I got her onto the couch and she crawled up into a ball.
Once again I kept reminding Alexis that we knew what was causing it and that the doctor's say the best thing for her to do is move around and get the gas bubbles and everything moving. She wouldn't even try. After a little while I got her to walk from the living room into my bedroom. She wouldn't go any further though. She laid in my bed and just cried. Every few minutes the pain would get really bad and she would scream and wiggle around saying she couldn't do it anymore. I felt so helpless. Nothing I did made her feel any more comfortable.
Alexis kept saying this time was worse than any other time. I reminded her that she feels that way every time it happens - and every time she gets through it. She looked at me, with tears running down her face, and said "Mommy, why is this happening to me?!?!?!" I dread hearing that question. It breaks my heart. My eyes started filling up so I held her in my arms so she couldn't see my face, and I reminded her it was because God knows how strong she is. She kept saying she wasn't strong - so I reminded her of a couple things she experienced these past couple months. She still didn't want to hear it though. My little girl has no idea how strong she really is. Her strength inspires me.
I was praying these pains would lighten up so she didn't miss school. I knew how excited she was for the awards ceremony and for the picnic. After about an hour of dealing with excruciating pain, she was finally starting to feel better. At this point I told Alexis to just relax and that I would take her to school when the awards ceremony started since I wanted to go to the school for it anyways. I thank God that Alexis was able to be there for it. She got quite a few awards - more than she was expecting. I am so proud of her. She is such a wonderful little girl - and I'm really not just saying that because she's my kid! ;-)
After the awards ceremony Alexis was still feeling okay so I headed home only to come back to the school and hour later for the 4th grade picnic. This is a special event for only 4th graders and their parents. Scottie stayed home with Kaelynn and Makenzie so I could be alone with Alexis. It was a nice break from our babies and it was really nice getting to do something alone with Alexis. Most of the time she ran around and played with her friends. Occasionally her belly would start to hurt so she would just come sit by me for a few minutes until she felt better. Overall, Alexis had a blast. I'm so glad she got to enjoy her special day.
Tonight Alexis' ankles and legs were hurting her a bit. I put some icy-hot on them and massaged them for her. I'm pretty sure it was from running around for so long today. Her legs can't handle all of that yet. Her ankles did look swollen too. I gave her some aleve which seemed to help. She worked on a school project for a little while and headed off to bed. I'm hoping her legs and ankles are better by tomorrow. Alexis has a softball tournament this weekend - which means she has three games on Saturday (and there will be games on Sunday too). I'm going to have her rest up the next couple days so she doesn't have to miss any of the games - I know how much that kills her.
All in all, it was a long day. I'm glad my girl is peacefully asleep.
I'm praying tomorrow is a better day.
Monday, June 4, 2012
The Blinking
I took a little break from writing. Mainly because softball took over our lives but also because I have been emotionally drained. I have some catching up to do...
A little over a week ago I brought Alexis to the doctor because of her eyes. I wasn't happy with how the appointment went or with the doctor's diagnosis. After barely looking at Alexis' eyes or listening to me, the doctor said Alexis had allergies. He gave us eye drops to use and said that would make it better. I knew it wouldn't though because I was already putting allergy drops in Alexis' eyes and using oral medicine. They made no difference.
The weekend after that appointment Alexis had a softball tournament. Alexis had two games on Saturday morning. She was able to play the entire first game, without any aches or pains. A couple hours later she had a second game. During the second game those scary chest pains returned. She was short of breath and kept saying her chest hurt every time she would breathe in. After resting for a while she started to feel better. This game ended up being one of the longest games ever. It wasn't raining, but there was thunder. Every time it thundered they would have to postpone the game for 30 minutes. This kept happening. So by the time they really got to finish the game, Alexis was able to play again. They finished off this game and we headed home for the night.
We had the girls in bed early because we knew the next day would be another long day in the sun. Scottie and I were relaxing on the couch when we heard Alexis start yelling for us. As we got up to go into her room, I saw her get out of her bed then fall back down to the floor. She curled up in a ball and started screaming. It was the stomach pains. They were back and worse than ever before. She also said the chest pains were back and for the first time she had pains in her back. Nothing I was doing made it any better. I was so scared so I called my mom like I always do. She said she would come right over. Luckily, she only lives a couple blocks away so she was here in minutes. Nothing she did for Alexis made it any better either and the pain wasn't lightening up at all. We decided to take her to the emergency room. My sister came with my mom so she was able to stay with our other two daughters. Scottie carried Alexis out to the car and we left right away. My mom left right behind us.
When we got to the hospital they took us into a room right away. Before we knew it the doctor was with us. At this point Alexis wasn't screaming or crying anymore, but the pain was still there. We told the doctor how Alexis was just in the hospital about a week before and they determined it was constipation causing all of the pain. The doctor examined Lex but decided not to take more x-rays or blood work. She was just going to look at the results from the prior week.
The doctor determined that these pains were still being caused from the constipation. She thinks the chest pains are from gas. Then she went on to tell me different foods and substances that could cause the gas pains. She named vegetables, fruits, fibers, spicy foods, and a few other things. When we thought about it - Alexis had all of those within the past couple days. Not only did she eat tons of vegetables and spicy foods, I was giving her chewable fiber pills THREE times a day! I felt horrible, to say the least. I thought I was doing the right thing by trying to help her with the constipation, but really I was causing Alexis to have gas pains.
We also asked this doctor about Alexis' eyes while we were there. I explained to the doctor how Lex's pediatrician said it was allergies. After she examined Lex's eyes and face, she determined right away that this was not allergies. She said she wasn't 100% sure of what it was but that it could be a sinus infection. She prescribed Alexis an antibiotic and told her to try this to see if it makes a difference. She said if the antibiotics don't work, at least we would have eliminated the two most common causes for the pains she was having in her face and eyes.
Although I didn't get all the answers I wanted, I was happy to at least be heading into the right direction. I knew now to stop giving Alexis fiber and to watch what she was eating. I was hoping the medicine would help her eyes and face so we didn't have to go any further with that.
I was optimistic.
It's been a little over a week now. I stopped giving Alexis the fiber pills and she hasn't had the chest pains at all. The stomach pains still come and go but not nearly the same as they used to. After taking the antibiotics for the sinus infection, Alexis' face is feeling a little better and her eyes aren't so red and swollen. But, Alexis is still blinking a lot. All day, every day. Although I'm glad the pain has gone away, I'm still very concerned about the blinking.
The other day I took Makenzie to the doctor for her 9 month check up. The appointment was with the same doctor who originally diagnosed Alexis with the lyme disease. Alexis didn't have school that day so she was with me for Makenzie's appointment. The doctor was happy to see Alexis. Although Lex was there a week earlier, she had to see a different doctor that day. We filled the doctor in on everything Alexis has been going through. I didn't have to tell her about the blinking - she noticed herself. She said she didn't think it was allergies or a sinus infection. This doctor thinks it's a tic - caused by the neuro-lyme disease. She said to take her back to her neurologist because he would know best.
After hearing that I felt so torn. If it was a tic - like Tourettes Syndrome - it would be one more way the lyme disease has hurt my baby. This list is getting too long. I would much rather it be something that a simple antibiotic could cure - but obviously that isn't that case. Since hearing that, I have been so upset every time I look at Alexis. The blinking is so obvious and I know everyone around her notices it. It's got to be so humiliating for her.
This morning when I woke Alexis up I crawled into bed with her. We were just laying there chatting. At first Alexis still had her eyes shut but they were still making the "blinking" motion - every couple of seconds her eyes would squeeze shut even more. Lex used to tell me that she blinked so much because the light was bothering her eyes - but this morning her eyes were shut and they were still blinking. It couldn't have been because of the light. While we laid there I asked her if she was making her eyes blink so often or if it just happened. She said she didn't really know. I asked her to try to start paying attention to it the next couple days. I told her to note if she is doing it because her eyes feel dry, or itchy, or if it's from the light - or if she really just has no control over when it happens. I told her that will just help us explain it to the doctor. And I promised her that we will get to the bottom of it. (fingers crossed)
I can't stop thinking about Alexis' blinking eyes though. Last night before she went to bed she was telling me a story and I couldn't even focus on what she was telling me because I couldn't stop thinking about her big beautiful blue eyes constantly blinking the entire time she talked to me. I wanted to cry but I knew I couldn't. After she went to bed I went and laid in my bed and cried. I feel so helpless. What if this is a tic? What if it doesn't go away? Now she wouldn't just have a silent disease - where no one could see her suffering - she would have to deal with something so obvious to everyone around her.
When I woke up this morning I found out that a young boy in our town took his own life. My heart aches for him and his family; may he rest in the sweetest peace. It really got me thinking. There must have been something so awful going on in his life that he really felt there was no other way to get around it. I can relate. I felt that way many times. I didn't have the easiest life and I hit rock bottom too many times. Luckily - I've always pulled myself through. I have spent many years trying to protect Alexis from feeling that way. I never want her to feel like there is just no other way out. I want to make her strong enough to get through anything life throws in her way. The problem is - there is way too much hatred and bullying going on in the world. It makes me sick. Not only do I want to protect my kids form being bullied - I want to do everything I can to make sure my kids don't turn into bullies.
When we first moved back to NJ, there were boys in school who called Alexis fat. She never told me about it - I had to find out myself. I started to investigate after Alexis wasn't eating as much. She went from being the girl who would eat 2 slices of pizza to the girl who barely ate a half of a piece. Once I noticed the change in her eating habits I asked her about it. She just blew it off like it was nothing. After asking around I found out what these boys in school were saying and it killed me. I wanted to go to each and every one of their houses and scream at them. I was at that point that I realized Alexis needed a little more reassurance that she is beautiful no matter what anyone says about her. And not for nothing but Alexis is not even fat - she never has been. She isn't a skinny little twig, but she's no where close to overweight. My point being - if kids will make fun of her for something that is barely even true...what will they say when they really start noticing the blinking. With Alexis having such an obvious tic - I feel like she will be an easy target. The bottom line is that kids now-a-days are cruel, and there's nothing I can do about it. I just have to pray that this either goes away really soon or that I have raised Alexis to be strong and confident, no matter what other kids say.
Aside from the blinking, Alexis has been feeling pretty good the past couple days. She has made it through a few softball games with no pain at all and a bunch of school days. Her arm is almost completely healed from the PICC line now too. Although it's only been a couple days...it has been weeks since Alexis felt good for a couple days straight so what a relief this is. I'm praying that better days continue to come our way.
A little over a week ago I brought Alexis to the doctor because of her eyes. I wasn't happy with how the appointment went or with the doctor's diagnosis. After barely looking at Alexis' eyes or listening to me, the doctor said Alexis had allergies. He gave us eye drops to use and said that would make it better. I knew it wouldn't though because I was already putting allergy drops in Alexis' eyes and using oral medicine. They made no difference.
The weekend after that appointment Alexis had a softball tournament. Alexis had two games on Saturday morning. She was able to play the entire first game, without any aches or pains. A couple hours later she had a second game. During the second game those scary chest pains returned. She was short of breath and kept saying her chest hurt every time she would breathe in. After resting for a while she started to feel better. This game ended up being one of the longest games ever. It wasn't raining, but there was thunder. Every time it thundered they would have to postpone the game for 30 minutes. This kept happening. So by the time they really got to finish the game, Alexis was able to play again. They finished off this game and we headed home for the night.
We had the girls in bed early because we knew the next day would be another long day in the sun. Scottie and I were relaxing on the couch when we heard Alexis start yelling for us. As we got up to go into her room, I saw her get out of her bed then fall back down to the floor. She curled up in a ball and started screaming. It was the stomach pains. They were back and worse than ever before. She also said the chest pains were back and for the first time she had pains in her back. Nothing I was doing made it any better. I was so scared so I called my mom like I always do. She said she would come right over. Luckily, she only lives a couple blocks away so she was here in minutes. Nothing she did for Alexis made it any better either and the pain wasn't lightening up at all. We decided to take her to the emergency room. My sister came with my mom so she was able to stay with our other two daughters. Scottie carried Alexis out to the car and we left right away. My mom left right behind us.
When we got to the hospital they took us into a room right away. Before we knew it the doctor was with us. At this point Alexis wasn't screaming or crying anymore, but the pain was still there. We told the doctor how Alexis was just in the hospital about a week before and they determined it was constipation causing all of the pain. The doctor examined Lex but decided not to take more x-rays or blood work. She was just going to look at the results from the prior week.
The doctor determined that these pains were still being caused from the constipation. She thinks the chest pains are from gas. Then she went on to tell me different foods and substances that could cause the gas pains. She named vegetables, fruits, fibers, spicy foods, and a few other things. When we thought about it - Alexis had all of those within the past couple days. Not only did she eat tons of vegetables and spicy foods, I was giving her chewable fiber pills THREE times a day! I felt horrible, to say the least. I thought I was doing the right thing by trying to help her with the constipation, but really I was causing Alexis to have gas pains.
We also asked this doctor about Alexis' eyes while we were there. I explained to the doctor how Lex's pediatrician said it was allergies. After she examined Lex's eyes and face, she determined right away that this was not allergies. She said she wasn't 100% sure of what it was but that it could be a sinus infection. She prescribed Alexis an antibiotic and told her to try this to see if it makes a difference. She said if the antibiotics don't work, at least we would have eliminated the two most common causes for the pains she was having in her face and eyes.
Although I didn't get all the answers I wanted, I was happy to at least be heading into the right direction. I knew now to stop giving Alexis fiber and to watch what she was eating. I was hoping the medicine would help her eyes and face so we didn't have to go any further with that.
I was optimistic.
It's been a little over a week now. I stopped giving Alexis the fiber pills and she hasn't had the chest pains at all. The stomach pains still come and go but not nearly the same as they used to. After taking the antibiotics for the sinus infection, Alexis' face is feeling a little better and her eyes aren't so red and swollen. But, Alexis is still blinking a lot. All day, every day. Although I'm glad the pain has gone away, I'm still very concerned about the blinking.
The other day I took Makenzie to the doctor for her 9 month check up. The appointment was with the same doctor who originally diagnosed Alexis with the lyme disease. Alexis didn't have school that day so she was with me for Makenzie's appointment. The doctor was happy to see Alexis. Although Lex was there a week earlier, she had to see a different doctor that day. We filled the doctor in on everything Alexis has been going through. I didn't have to tell her about the blinking - she noticed herself. She said she didn't think it was allergies or a sinus infection. This doctor thinks it's a tic - caused by the neuro-lyme disease. She said to take her back to her neurologist because he would know best.
After hearing that I felt so torn. If it was a tic - like Tourettes Syndrome - it would be one more way the lyme disease has hurt my baby. This list is getting too long. I would much rather it be something that a simple antibiotic could cure - but obviously that isn't that case. Since hearing that, I have been so upset every time I look at Alexis. The blinking is so obvious and I know everyone around her notices it. It's got to be so humiliating for her.
This morning when I woke Alexis up I crawled into bed with her. We were just laying there chatting. At first Alexis still had her eyes shut but they were still making the "blinking" motion - every couple of seconds her eyes would squeeze shut even more. Lex used to tell me that she blinked so much because the light was bothering her eyes - but this morning her eyes were shut and they were still blinking. It couldn't have been because of the light. While we laid there I asked her if she was making her eyes blink so often or if it just happened. She said she didn't really know. I asked her to try to start paying attention to it the next couple days. I told her to note if she is doing it because her eyes feel dry, or itchy, or if it's from the light - or if she really just has no control over when it happens. I told her that will just help us explain it to the doctor. And I promised her that we will get to the bottom of it. (fingers crossed)
I can't stop thinking about Alexis' blinking eyes though. Last night before she went to bed she was telling me a story and I couldn't even focus on what she was telling me because I couldn't stop thinking about her big beautiful blue eyes constantly blinking the entire time she talked to me. I wanted to cry but I knew I couldn't. After she went to bed I went and laid in my bed and cried. I feel so helpless. What if this is a tic? What if it doesn't go away? Now she wouldn't just have a silent disease - where no one could see her suffering - she would have to deal with something so obvious to everyone around her.
When I woke up this morning I found out that a young boy in our town took his own life. My heart aches for him and his family; may he rest in the sweetest peace. It really got me thinking. There must have been something so awful going on in his life that he really felt there was no other way to get around it. I can relate. I felt that way many times. I didn't have the easiest life and I hit rock bottom too many times. Luckily - I've always pulled myself through. I have spent many years trying to protect Alexis from feeling that way. I never want her to feel like there is just no other way out. I want to make her strong enough to get through anything life throws in her way. The problem is - there is way too much hatred and bullying going on in the world. It makes me sick. Not only do I want to protect my kids form being bullied - I want to do everything I can to make sure my kids don't turn into bullies.
When we first moved back to NJ, there were boys in school who called Alexis fat. She never told me about it - I had to find out myself. I started to investigate after Alexis wasn't eating as much. She went from being the girl who would eat 2 slices of pizza to the girl who barely ate a half of a piece. Once I noticed the change in her eating habits I asked her about it. She just blew it off like it was nothing. After asking around I found out what these boys in school were saying and it killed me. I wanted to go to each and every one of their houses and scream at them. I was at that point that I realized Alexis needed a little more reassurance that she is beautiful no matter what anyone says about her. And not for nothing but Alexis is not even fat - she never has been. She isn't a skinny little twig, but she's no where close to overweight. My point being - if kids will make fun of her for something that is barely even true...what will they say when they really start noticing the blinking. With Alexis having such an obvious tic - I feel like she will be an easy target. The bottom line is that kids now-a-days are cruel, and there's nothing I can do about it. I just have to pray that this either goes away really soon or that I have raised Alexis to be strong and confident, no matter what other kids say.
Aside from the blinking, Alexis has been feeling pretty good the past couple days. She has made it through a few softball games with no pain at all and a bunch of school days. Her arm is almost completely healed from the PICC line now too. Although it's only been a couple days...it has been weeks since Alexis felt good for a couple days straight so what a relief this is. I'm praying that better days continue to come our way.
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